If I was strong

I sit here thinking, wondering about the future. Am I someone you can see yourself being with. If we where to have something, It would have to be honest, true, and full of love. No corners cut, Just pure emotion. Just emotion raw emotion, ANGER, GREED, LUST, LOVE, PASSION, DESIRE, raw emotion. So raw and pure you feel it in your bones you feel tingles go up your spine. I know are future will be fill with emotion but the rawest emotion I feel is the love I feel in my bones and crawling up my spine when I talk to you, when I see you, when I think of you and your smile.
I wish things could have been changed. I hope you can forgive me for being powerless. I wanted to do something, I wanted to say something. I wanted to shout at the top of my lungs. Why her she's just going to fuck you around? Why not me? Why could I be the one you wanted? I felt like shit when she broke your heart. I wish I could say you deserved it and you should have picked me. In truth you didn't deserve it though you deserve so much more then I can offer you, so much more then I could ever dream of offering you.
You are my gold star, held high in the sky out of my reach, far away. All I can do is look, watch and wait for that star to turn into an angle, and for that angle to fall from grace, and join me here, here where my tears are cried. This old teddy bear can only bare so many painful stories. After awhile everyone breaks down, everyone loses control. The point of no return, that moment when you know you can turn back and run forever, never come back. Or you can face it all no regrets no chance to look back, just jump in head first and hope you land in a pool not on a side walk.
I see your smile on those bad nights, the ones where I hold that knife in my hand and push it agaisnt my skin. As I think about the pain that will make me feel better I see you. I see your smile I remember grade nine where you wanted me around so bad, you where even willing to hurt yourself to make me stop. I'm sorry I couldn't have done more. I wish I could stop smoking stop drinking and stop doing drugs I find them so much fun, but the fact you hate it all makes me think, make me want something better for me. You offer me the world in a few words in a simple song. I want to take that world I want to live forever where it makes sense where I can see you smile forever for that's all I want. I want you to smile I want you to be happy. Even if I'm broken I want you to be happy, for your smile brings a light into my world a smile to my face and a hope to my heart.

Played by the player

I knew it would happen still unwilling to see it eve after the pain still willing to go threw it all again. The unwanted feeling I hold I don't like. Your hug holds more then you'll ever know. Late night bus home. Knowing that you've hurt me maybe enough for you to say sorry. When your ready for a real woman with a real heart who still wants to be with you call me. I know you've played me but I still hold strong feelings for you, I always will.
Heart broken? Yes I am but hearts heal pain fades. Feelings like this may not, maybe one day you'll see, you'll know but I cant wait for that day. If by chance I'm single and still looking for some one who showed me a good time I'll come back. Only time will tell. You were fun well you lasted, but everything fun must come to an end, I guess. I won't regret any of it. I'll still feel unwanted unloved your charm will last. I will always that smile, see you look away when I see you looking at me. That feeling the feeling of you looking at some one you can't reach someone out of your reach. The feeling of you wanting me, times change maybe in time you'll change. You'll get old of your games, old your you lies. Maybe I was to much for you or maybe not enough, but you still made me feel wanted even though you've moved on I still see that you've lied You've broken me. I'll still patch myself up before you Know my eyes have cried. Tears rather let smoke fill the air and suffocate me then let you know you've won. Maybe when the times right I'll let you in on my little secret that I hold so tight but then again if that happens you'll feel that power. The power guys feel when they have the control, I want the control for now. I want you to feel hurt and unworthy unable to triumph over, unable to break me. If one day you get to read this you'll know the pain you caused me and You'll know my secret. I knew you would play me I knew you would hurt me but I jumped in willingly.
A sucker for pain? I guess you could say that. I guess you say I enjoy pain, I enjoy being broken. The truth is I loved challenge of putting myself together to look perfect, happy and like nothings wrong. Tears I can't take back feelings I can't forget the worlds a fucked up place but that's the joy of it all the joy is in the pain and the lesson learned is better then the rest.

God is alive in my Dustin

Tired of being the one everyone runs to I need some one now
Some one I can trust some one I can hold on to I don't want to be me anymore
I'm sick of being the one everyone trusts with everything
When I cant trust anyone with anything
I could turn my back but then I wouldn't even have a shoulder to cry on
Lost words can never be regained spoken words can never be taken back
I want to be there with you I don't want to be here anymore
I want to run away I want to hide I want to be taken away
By your hand or my own I don't care anymore
One thing holds me back the thought that you
The oh so holy God doesn't exist if not
I want to stay here with the closest thing I have to saving me
But God if you do exist take away my pain
Make sure my family is happy That my friends are happy and most of all
Make sure the boy who cries for me stops crying
I'm not worth the tears God if you do exist please take away my tears
Make me smile again Make me believe in something
Holding on to the thought of losing him is the only thing that makes me sad
The thought of seeing him, seeing him smile
Now that's some worth living for
Something worth believing in something to make me smile
So I guess you do exist, there's only one thing to fix now
I believe, I smile but the tears wont stop
Maybe your still working on that one
Before you make my tears go away make my Dustin happy again
For he is the one that makes me smile, makes me believe
Make him happy and my tears will go away
His smile will wash away all my fears all my pain all my tears

Melted snowflakes

Waiting for no one to look
As I slip out of the room
quietly, discreetly
Like watching one snowflake fall amongst thousands
Sooner or later you lose track
You think if only I could see that one snowflake again
Maybe then things would be different
If I could catch you in a jar and hold you safe
Maybe then tears wouldn't fall down my face

Break me

They are all special in there own way
They all break me in a different way
A look, a smile, the way they look at you
Once you see that they are they look away
Try to act all tough, With the small glimmer of light
Hidden under harsh words and evil glares
Sitting waiting for him to make a move
Wondering how this one will break me
A new pain to feel, a new crack in my glass heart
All these lovers so special held so high
All these lovers breaking me and new ways

Times change

Some times things change, people grow up, move one. Something change, People lose feelings that they once held strong. Its not that they no longer care, its simply some one else is holding that feeling so strong. I want to grow I want to experience life I want to live my new life

Rehab for the sake of talking

Sitting here wrapped in a blanket
Curlers in my hair thinking to myself
What a fool I have been
You are telling me your hung up on me
Then I find out your telling the same story to someone else
Your gone for three months
Into a place I will never go
Rehab, Is it because I said I wouldn't speak to you
Are you getting clean just to be with me or is it that
You finely want to be clean for your sake
I want you to be happy
I guess I'll see you in three months when your clean
But will you have the guts to call me
I'll always stand behind you

Good luck

Desperate

Desperately holding on to the past
Hoping it will come back
Wishing for more then ever before
I love you with all my heart
If only the past would stick around a little longer
The future is to scary to go towards alone
If you would come back to me...
I would be able to fly, to float
To live everyday happy
Only if this worked the first time around
Then I would know what to expect this time
Then again surprise is good and your amazing
I guess I have to hope for the worst and pray for the best
I love you

No bullshit

Looking back on past relationships
I see the ones I should have left sooner
The ones that meant so much but something better came along to fast
Not to say that those guys weren't good enough
Just to say some one more for me came along
Lets just leave the past in the pass and start over
We are new people now
Lets start a new friendship
No bullshit
its all new now, if it goes bad again, its ok
I can live with out I already have
No bullshit

Dark nights or bright day I'll be by your side

I sit awake at night thinking and wondering if you will be ok
Wondering if I'll see you again
Hoping your not dead in a ditch where no one can find you
I hope one day you will know the pain I feel
I sit back and watch you fighting with your friends
Telling off all you boss your teachers and everyone else
I wish I could help you find away to change
Then again if I changed you you wouldn't be the guy I love
I'll always be here for you when you need some one to talk to
When you need some one to tell you they'll care no matter what
Even if they don't agree with you they'll still stand behind you
I'll always appreciate you for who you are
I'll always love you because you will always tell me the truth

Please smile for me

Looking into that smile I know you are the one my heart will always love
I know I can never have you but it won't stop me from wishing
Some days I think you smile just for me
there's something unspeakable, unexplainable between us
If only we could have that feeling forever
Instead of everything ending in a hug good bye
I wish I could look back on me and you and know
I've done all I could I've said all I could
If I could change anything I would simple tell you that I loved you a lot sooner
I want to be with you for all of time
See your smile for all of time
Since I cant I'll dream dreams of love and meaning knowing there's not much left
There's no meaning left to find

Good bye to a friend I know I'll see again

Walking down the street looking forward
Towards the future, walking into the unknown
As I glance back I look at my mistakes
I see you standing there
I think to myself how could I have messed this all up
I didn't even get to say goodbye
I'm sorry
I wish I could have been there
Even if it was just to see your back as you walked away
At least then I would know you really where gone
I wake up in the middle of the night
Remembering the nightmare I just had
Watching you walk towards me
I know its not real and your gone
But I hope day and night to see you again
I will say it now
Good bye I'll miss you I wish I could have done more
I wish I could have seen you walk away
I wish you could have held me in your arms well I cried
Good bye my friend we will meet again some day

To the boy who cries

To the boy who cries

You bring back the pain in my heart I've loved you for so long that I don't think I'll ever forget My heart is now in the hands of another man You will Always have your place in my heart for you are the first The first man my heart Loved, at that point you where too blind Now you see my scars, the ones on my Arm, the ones on my heart

I'm walking into the future with hopes, dreams and knowledge of something Something more, something bigger then just me and you I don't know why but I Feel I owe you my world I know you say I don't owe you anything because I'm Still alive But every breath I take I owe to you, I will try to Live those days to my Greatest ability as great as I can for you

You are amazing You are tied to all my emotions I can never make my life up to you you may say we're even but you are to amazing to be even with You will always be just out of my reach only finger tips away I will walk away, I'll never turn my back just walk away to my new love You will always be in my heart I just can't wait for you forever
Your love
I'll hold dear
Love you always love you forever
The girl you saved

I want to know

I want to know what makes you tick
I want to know why your sad
I want to know what goes on in your head
When we talk on the phone and I know something wrong
You blow it off like it doesn't matter
Well it does
I sit awake and cry
I sit thinking is it something I've done
Is this you leaving me
It kills me not knowing what your thinking
Why your sad
You let me in only so far
even though you say you trust me you love me
You still hesitate
If you don't trust me tell me let me know
Let me into your life
The only way for me to love you back is for you to let me
I want to know the horrors of your life
I want to know the fruits of your labor
I want to know what makes you tick
I want to know what makes you mad
I want to know to know you
For you and all you are
I'm tired of sitting up and thinking what have I done wrong now
What has made you mad
what has made you stop talking, I want to know
I want to know you I wan to love you more then I already do

never

Never promise me anytihng
Never tell me to trust you
Never tell me you love me
Never promise me you'll never hurt me
Never expect me to trust you for I will never trust you
Never fall in love with me becaseu I will never fall in love with you
Never ever ever say never because once you say never
Never happens