If I was strong

I sit here thinking, wondering about the future. Am I someone you can see yourself being with. If we where to have something, It would have to be honest, true, and full of love. No corners cut, Just pure emotion. Just emotion raw emotion, ANGER, GREED, LUST, LOVE, PASSION, DESIRE, raw emotion. So raw and pure you feel it in your bones you feel tingles go up your spine. I know are future will be fill with emotion but the rawest emotion I feel is the love I feel in my bones and crawling up my spine when I talk to you, when I see you, when I think of you and your smile.
I wish things could have been changed. I hope you can forgive me for being powerless. I wanted to do something, I wanted to say something. I wanted to shout at the top of my lungs. Why her she's just going to fuck you around? Why not me? Why could I be the one you wanted? I felt like shit when she broke your heart. I wish I could say you deserved it and you should have picked me. In truth you didn't deserve it though you deserve so much more then I can offer you, so much more then I could ever dream of offering you.
You are my gold star, held high in the sky out of my reach, far away. All I can do is look, watch and wait for that star to turn into an angle, and for that angle to fall from grace, and join me here, here where my tears are cried. This old teddy bear can only bare so many painful stories. After awhile everyone breaks down, everyone loses control. The point of no return, that moment when you know you can turn back and run forever, never come back. Or you can face it all no regrets no chance to look back, just jump in head first and hope you land in a pool not on a side walk.
I see your smile on those bad nights, the ones where I hold that knife in my hand and push it agaisnt my skin. As I think about the pain that will make me feel better I see you. I see your smile I remember grade nine where you wanted me around so bad, you where even willing to hurt yourself to make me stop. I'm sorry I couldn't have done more. I wish I could stop smoking stop drinking and stop doing drugs I find them so much fun, but the fact you hate it all makes me think, make me want something better for me. You offer me the world in a few words in a simple song. I want to take that world I want to live forever where it makes sense where I can see you smile forever for that's all I want. I want you to smile I want you to be happy. Even if I'm broken I want you to be happy, for your smile brings a light into my world a smile to my face and a hope to my heart.