I'm sorry mom

Trying to be perfect, trying so hard to be like my perfect older sister just so you will love me. I can't be her, I may have her room now, but she is amazing, she is clean she's helpful, she's everything I'm not. She is perfect. Like you say she's the only one that loves you, Its hard to compete with something like that. You won't ever let me love you, you say when your old and wrinkly. She is your perfect child I'm nothing but a fuck up in your eyes. I've constantly competed against her but now I'm tired of knowing I'm going to fail. I give up. I'll be your fuck up. I'll be the reason dad had to stay a teacher, I'll stay the you had to sell dads favorite jeep. I'll forever be your "oh shit I'm pregnant " I've done it all. Everything she wouldn't dare to do at my age. I have done. I'm nothing more then a fuck up in your eyes. The youngest, the rebel, the one not scare to piss you off, not scared to scream right back. I'm sorry I couldn't be the angel. I could be the perfect one, you say I'm to tough for my own good yet I still sit here crying. I haven't been your little girl but I'll never be your little girl your little girl was Christine. Mom I'm sorry I couldn't be perfect, I'm sorry I don't shine in your eyes like she does. But I'm not Christine I am me so please love me for me for who I am, for who you have raised me to be, I may not be your perfect little girl, but I'm what you have raised me to be, I am strong I wont let anyone push me around. I am independent, If I could be your little girl I would, but sorry I can't, Christine is, I am your little warrior.