I fear

Am I now undesirable, has my worst fear come true. I only want to be desired by you, at this point in time I feel disposable to you. As strong as I think I am, I wish I could sit in front of you at this very moment and cry. I want you to look at me and see the shy but loud, scared but fearless girl you saw when you first asked me out, I'm still that girl, Maybe now a little more shy and I little less fearless. I fear I am forever tainted, that I am forever undesired by you.I fear I am no longer strongh, I fear, I fear I will stop caring. I am still only yours untill you say you don't love me and don't want to be with me I will be yours. I will always be your sweetie till you tell me I'm not. Your the best I've had, You good to me and I need something good right now, andI want you to be that something. I feel safe around you. I feel I can be honest, I can be true I can be me when your around. All I want is to be me with you by my side. I don't know if this is a test for us to challange, My first test to challange was to be with you, a man that would treat me like a lady. I'm still takeign that test. Is god testing my strenght to hold on, is god testing are stenght to stay together. I know I've been the one with the fuck ups, but I am a fuck up. The innocent and the guilty get traped in my path. I'm sorry you had to be one of the innocent to be caught up in my fuck ups.