When The Ink Runs Dry All Is Lost

As you slipped away

2010-08-09T21:24:00.001-07:00

I watched you slip away, I held you and cried.
I want you to know as we waited for you to slip away
We laughed at the things you use to do, we cried because you are leaving us
Your collar held four dog tags, We all now hold one close
We are still waiting for you to walk through the door
Sleep by are bed and have to move around you when we wake
Even Jack doesn’t really know what to do
We still call you as if we are looking for you, witch we are
We still call you for breakfast
I watched you slip away
I swear you were just sleeping and were going to come home with us
We all held you when you left and when all was done we held each other
We talked about how bossy you where how head strong you were
Home doesn’t feel right
One day is will, one day we will get a new dog
But you will be our only Max, no other will be you
As I watched you slip away I knew I would miss you
But I didn’t know it would be like this

Max, you are loved

2010-08-09T21:02:00.000-07:00

You played with us in the snow you played with us in the sun
You bossed the kids around, you even bossed mom around
You were there through my heart aches
You were there through my best times
You saw us all graduate
You were are best friend
You raised three puppies, And let Madison crawl all over you
We slept on you we cuddled you we cried on you
In the end we waited and cried and said are good byes
You belonged to a family of six, and an extend family of fifteen
You were something special to all of us
You will always be more then just my dog
You were mom’s shadow, dad’s garage buddy, Adam’s playmate
And my best friend
You will be missed, you are loved.

Where I have never been

2010-01-13T14:18:00.000-08:00

My favorite thing is to go where I have never been
Put my feet in the ocean just to know I’ve been there
Run my hand through the dirt on a mountain top just to know I’ve been there
Breath in the fresh air of a farm field just to know I’ve been there
Feel the rain in the forest just to know I’ve been there
To plot a direction on a map that makes no sense just to know I’ve been there
To go through every small town and find its beauty just to know I’ve been there
The places I have yet to be, an unmarked destination on a map
Awaiting my discovery, awaiting the beauty it holds.

Emily

2009-12-16T11:18:00.000-08:00

You are beautiful, you are wise
Words we share I still remember
You've always inspired me to be better
To look within and see the light and beauty I hold
I wish you could see the way all the girl you inspire see you
Strong, Beautiful, Independent.
You are amazing.
I'm glad I got to meet you

Till Dreams Come

2009-10-05T02:38:00.000-07:00

Late Nights I stay awake tossing turning.
One day I'll get a hang off this night owl thing
But till then I'll steal my little moments with you
The moments I have when your asleep and grab for me
Kiss me, Both off in our own little worlds
But still the joy of you waking to kiss me well I toss and turn
I love you, You are mine and I'm keeping you ass long as you let me
Now I'll put down my pen and paper
Lay down my head and sleep
With your open arms waiting to hold me till dreams come

Good Night Daddy

2009-10-05T02:17:00.001-07:00

With my flash light I hide under the covers to read
I poke my head out just enough to see your light on
I know you are still awake I can smell the cigarette smoke
In my over sized pajamas I sneak in to your room
You know I'm there but you don't say anything not yet
I get to where Max the big bad guard dog sleeps
You lean over and say "You couldn't sleep either?"
Laying on the floor with my head resting on max
I look up and I know you'll soon pick me up sit me on your lap
Tell me a story and wait for me to nod off
Now I'm older and I still know that late at night
I can find you sitting listen to old music with a dog at your feet
I know I can still come and see you when I cant sleep either
You are my night owl, and like we say I never mind being a
night owl... its the waking up early that really puts a crick in it.
I love you daddy.

More or Less

2009-04-29T10:58:00.000-07:00

Feeling the weight of the world.
Trapped in this house I call a home
Expecting from myself much more then I can give
Trapped here by my own hand
Waiting to surpass what I am
But not knowing who I am
Fear grips my every move
Every day I wake wishing I wouldn’t
I’m never alone and I’m loved
Yet I feel emptiness inside
You see a woman in me
I see a lost little girl not knowing where to go
I feel the hand of another
His voice tells me it’ll be ok
You’re not the only one

A look ahead

2009-04-22T13:30:00.000-07:00

As I look in I see a wife defeated, by pain and suffering.
A husband stands a hollow form of what he once was,
too young to waste away to old to be young.
In his eyes I see the him he believes he is.
My father, the wisest, strongest man I know.
Now weak and crippled.
How I had hopes of him walking me down the aisle.
Now I sit at moms side. She is a shell of who she was with him.

Love in the second way

2009-04-13T20:17:00.000-07:00

Would you love me if I was dressed up?
Yes.
Would you love me if I hung on your every word?
Yes.
Would you love me if I loved you?
Yes, but your still not asking the right question.
Whats the right question?
Do I love you everyday, even when you in your sweats and my old t-shirt?
Do you?
I do love you, and I would love you even if you didn't love me!

Love in one way

2009-04-13T20:13:00.000-07:00

Would you love me if I wore make up?
Would you love me if I dressed girly?
I love you do you love me?
Would you love me if I was always there for you?
Would you love me if I hung on your every word?
It doesn't matter anymore
Do you love me or not
It doesn't matter I don't love you anymore

Found

2009-04-13T20:10:00.000-07:00

I've fallen
I thought I hit rock botton
Unseen in the moment I hit
I had fallen out of love with you
but I had found something
I found joy
I found you

I gave you my all

2009-04-13T20:06:00.000-07:00

I gave you my love
I gave you my heart
I gave you my all
You through it all away
Now I look for the someone
The someone I use to be
Only to find
I changed

2009-02-26T12:15:00.001-08:00

In the middle of the night I wake
To find you next to me
The feel of your body close to mine
Comfort over comes me

Perfect

2009-02-26T12:10:00.000-08:00

A perfect day, a perfect night
Our body's grow closer
Warmth grows to sweat
Hands are exploring unseen territory
Slowly they move over curves
They follow limbs to their tips
Our lips touch, feel, want
Whispers and moans fill the air
Darkness covers the room

Sleep

2009-02-26T12:01:00.000-08:00

Your an angel
Gently sleeping
Peacefully you turn
And reach for me
I feel your finger tips
Touch my hips
Gently you pull me close
The warmth of your body
lulls me into a sleep
Safe and vulnerable
I sleep

Miss you

2008-11-27T21:50:00.001-08:00

Laying awake missing you wishing you where closer
I can’t sleep with out you tossing and turning
Waiting for you to walk through the door
The typical honey I’m home
How I wish you where home with me
Our bed feels so empty with only our dog and me
I make him sleep next to me
Feeling his warmth makes me feel better but still miss you
I want to be selfish and have you all to myself
I love you I don’t want to be with out you
The hours grow later and later
I long for you more and more

Change

2008-11-25T23:12:00.000-08:00

To try to change someone
First mistake
To love some one when your heart is broken
Second mistake
To fnd someone no willing to change
Someone not wanting to change you
Prefection

Forgive

2008-11-25T23:00:00.000-08:00

You say forgive him leave him powerless over me
The only one not forgiving hurts is me
I lay here next to a man I love
More then any man before
I think I have forgiven
Yes in a way
That works for me I have
I will remember the pain always
But know what I have now is worth more
Then all he ever game me
So I let go of the pain
I let go of the anger
I let go of the hold he has on me
I am a new woman a better woman
With a better man

Mine

2008-11-25T22:53:00.000-08:00

I wish I could tell you I couldn't live with out you,
Your touch as much as I push you away I would die if I didn't have you.
You are the piece that makes me whole T
he smoothness in your rough hands could melt my heart
I love you and you are mine and that's the only way
I will have it your my amazing your mine

Your old t-shirt

2008-11-25T22:48:00.000-08:00

You eyes pierce my soul. They see my heart
The passion in your lips, the kindness in you touch
Here I am in your your old t-shirt with a shiver down my spine
I know your my one my only, My friend my support my lover
You are mine I am yours

Kodak moment

2008-11-25T22:35:00.000-08:00

I lay here next to you reading words I wrote so long ago
About how much I would change if some one would love me
In this perfect moment with my body next to yours
Ran and thunder outside I know you love me for me
That means more to me then all the other someones put together
You are my only one my perfect moment
My kodak picture my everything
I love you and all the corky things you do

Fate,Love.Desteny.

2008-09-09T10:03:00.000-07:00

Everything happens for a reason take the good out of every bad and learn take the bad out of every good and make it better with out change and challenge we would all fail we would not strive to be better everything happens for a reason so make it count

Together

2008-09-09T09:55:00.000-07:00

A fight, a passion in us to stay true
To stay honest no matter what
Tears we always get by
We grow from our pain
We learn we move forward together
If a day shall come where we dont move forward together
As we do now may I still be in you life and have you in mine
For now lets just be young and have fun together

The choice

2008-09-09T09:45:00.000-07:00

The choice no matter how easy
Its not made with out thought
The more the thought the more impact it has on ones life
It can be easy to say yes at first
No matter the choice and how it feels in the moment
If the moment goes bad the choice was wrong
And the whole thing is a waste
No matter what happens you must take something
Good from it in every disaster there is a light
A silver lining, ever tragic tale has one if you look close enough

Simple

2008-07-17T12:56:00.000-07:00

Simplicity in its finest.
A moment so perfect you could cry
Something you've always wanted
Always needed
Sitting beside you

Power of words

2008-07-17T12:53:00.000-07:00

A song can have so much meaning
Just a few simple words
When listened to a little closer
Remembering where you where the first time you heard it
When you first felt it
Now even after all this time
It still puts a smile on my face

Love

2008-04-09T21:48:00.000-07:00

A smile on my face, tears down my cheeks
How silly I feel, an amazing moment with you
Tears of happiness
Every moment with you couldn't be long enough
Every minute with out you couldn't be short enough
Your body against mine
Whispers of I love yous fill the air
I wish nights like this would never end
The warmth of our bodies together gives me a comfort like no other
Silence in our words yet
Songs sung by our bodies

My love song

2008-04-09T21:42:00.000-07:00

Tainted and broken
Useless and unwanted
Words I was thought
Were me My words
My play My weapon
My love song
Kindness and compassion
Sensitivity and caring
Words i had forgotten
Until you you've shown
Me what the word
Love can be my words
My play my weapon
My love song

Fear of the unknown

2008-04-09T21:38:00.000-07:00

I was so scared to be so close
But now I'm only scare to be with out you
I was scared I was going to run
Now i could only run to you
I couldn't be happier with out you

Butterfly

2008-04-09T21:37:00.000-07:00

Cute little I love you's
Hugs and kisses
Love sweet love
Smiles and giggles
Can we stay here for awhile
In each otheres arms
Warm safe untoughable

Lost in a moment

2008-04-09T21:35:00.000-07:00

Caught up in a smile
kindness in a touch
Comfort in your eyes
Saftey in your arms
love in my heart
My heart in your hands
Lost in the moment with you

Perfection

2008-04-09T21:34:00.001-07:00

Once the only thing that could get
Me through the day was sad songs
Then there was a moment
A moment a smile changed my world

Grab the wheel and drive

2007-12-31T01:33:00.000-08:00

In a moment the world can change
The question is do you
shut down?
Or grab life by the wheel
And just keep driving
No plan on where to go
Just go see where the road takes you
I was told things happen for a reason
I never wanted to believe it
I always wanted to be in control
Now with my hands on the wheel
I'm gone
No plan
Just see where the road takes me

Good bye

2007-12-31T01:24:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to tell you
I love you
Even though it hurts
Also I wanted you to know
At the end of the day
I don't regret any of this
I wish it could be different
I'm sorry
I'm sorry for everything I've put you through
I hope your happy
I also hope no matter what you will do whats right for you
Also stray true to your heart
One final thing
I don't know if this will matter to you
but it matters to me
I forgive you
And I thank you for all you did, and didn't do
I hope one day we can be friends
Once again I love you
I forgive you
and I'm sorry

Everlasting

2007-12-24T00:20:00.001-08:00

All i want is to lay here with you, feel your warmth
Who needs forever when right now is so perfect
A moment is everlasting as long as you remember
Remember the laughter, the feeling, the smile

Hope...

2007-12-10T14:38:00.000-08:00

Theres something in me,
Telling me to go for it
something else tells me,
Its to good to be true

Something will fall apart,
Just a matter of time
Things always fall apart

Maybe its better not to expect things
Not to think things will go anywhere
Just live in the know, not think about my heart

Hope for the best
Expect the worst

Lost

2007-12-10T14:37:00.000-08:00

Words cant be written
Thoughts tangled
Looking for a guiding light
Unsure what to think

Stuck in the middle

2007-12-10T14:35:00.000-08:00

Stuck in the middle
Unsure what to do
Where to turn when all is lost
Something unknown ahead
Is it all to good to be true

Signs

2007-12-04T11:46:00.000-08:00

So many things should have opened my eyes
You weren't the one i wanted
Why didn't I see the signs earlier?
You never supported me, never pushed me to be better
When i look back on it,
I should have never asked for that second chance
I should have moved on
Some foolish part of me believed you cared
Its all over now, I won't make the same mistake twice

Unknown

2007-12-04T11:44:00.000-08:00

A gentle smile, soothing hands
We lay there in silence
An unspoken comfort
Fascination with the unknown

Tension

2007-11-29T22:38:00.000-08:00

The moment at the end
Where all is told
Where the day unfolds and hearts are on the line
A bitter taste in his mouth
Her sweaty palms
He says words that would normal break her
She agrees, she waits to move one
A tension in the air, He leans over
She can smell his hair, Her eyes close in fear
His soft lips touch her pale skin
All his words suddenly mean nothing
All she can think ,how i miss those lips
The warms of his body next to hers
How she misses his arms, the strength
Comfort is all over
Now only tension and a void
His famous last words ring in her ears
Is this the end
Or just a new begining

In my words

2007-11-29T22:37:00.001-08:00

Independence in my words
Abandoning all reason
Turmoil in my heart
Uncertain for the future
Hope in what life will bring

Break free

2007-11-29T22:21:00.000-08:00

No one can see the scars I feel, the agony I can't express
I know i have to show no fear
I know he cant win
but he has
I was trying so hard to be strong for you and all i did was torture my soul
I'm not whole anymore, I don't want this sickness in me anymore
I want to break free, now I'm sure if i can
Now how can some one want a body
I myself can bare to be in
My scars run deeper then you can ever know

I was so scared no one would want my tainted body
I was a fool, my body is only as polluted as i see it
If i believe I'm free I will be
I can be wild, no amount of suffering can hold me back this time
Its all or nothing at all
I'm going for you
you and him are no longer holding me back

Addiction

2007-11-19T19:38:00.000-08:00

If this is what happiness is?
Why did I live in pain for so long?
You held me back, you crippled me
Your love was an addiction gone to far
I finally hit rock bottom
Now I can move up and move on

Go for it

2007-11-19T19:24:00.000-08:00

Lost in a smile
Confused in a happy moment
Why am I so addicted to your smile?
Am I losing control?
Should I still jump in blind?
With out thought
Or should take a step back
Do I listen to my gut?
And say fuck it go for it
Or do I guard my heart again
Can I put my own fears aside?
Be open be honest
Not just with him
But with myself

Alone

2007-11-19T19:20:00.000-08:00

How do you show some one the best part of you?
When you’re just finding it again
I’m lost in this world, a world totally new
For the first time I’m alone
I’m facing the world alone for the first time
Amazingly I’m not as scared as I thought I would be
I’m just going to take it as it goes
Try and make the best of it for me

Moving on

2007-11-19T19:19:00.000-08:00

Who needs love at such a young age?
What ever happened to just have fun
See what life brings you
I’m done wanting what I can’t have
Moving up moving on becoming something better
No more being fake, take me how I am
Or don’t bother, you can’t tame me anymore
I’m not going to fit in perfectly
But hell I’ve never been perfect
And that’s the way I like it
I’m not going to try and be who you want
I’m going to be me so deal with it
I’m wild I’m free I’m spunky I’m sassy
I love it so to bad if you don’t

Innocence

2007-11-19T19:17:00.000-08:00

How innocent life once was
As simple as swing sets and sugar rushes
The older we get the more we wish life was
Was as simple when we new nothing

When the only thing that scared us was the dark
And no mater how bad a fight was it was over in a day
When you wanted to run away the only place that felt like home was the park
Now we go back and remember all those simple things

Now we taint our bodies with booze and drugs
What happened to the innocents we once had
Now there are all these empty kisses and meaningless hugs
How times change

How friends become enemies
How the innocent ones become rebellious
How the guilty fall to there knees
How enemies become friends

New

2007-11-19T19:14:00.000-08:00

What do I do when all I want is to smile
But I’m to scared to go for it
I was so closethere was music playing
the smell of sex in the air
I had been with out that beat in my heart for so long
Overwhelmed and nervous
To scared to get to close
Unsure what to say
Unsure what to do
Do I jump in head first
Then wait and see if I can swim
I've always settled for what I had
I want to fight for once
I want to fight for the smile I have when I see you
Overwhelmed and nervous
To scared to get to close
Unsure what to say
Unsure what to do

The unknown ahead

2007-11-19T19:10:00.000-08:00

What am I to do when everything you do is hot or cold
How am I suppose to react, how am I suppose to deal
Should I run now and not bother,
Or should I wait and see
All I want to do is smile and laugh when I see you
Yet there’s this pain I don’t want to feel pain anymore
I want to be happy and not care
I want to live life free and not have to answer to anyone
What am I to do when I know in my heart that I like you
Yet I know I don’t want to deal with bull shit anymore
I want to move on and smileWhy are you trying to bring me down
When all I want to do is flyWho are you to hold me back
Who are you to try and hold me down
You say you cant deal with all that bullshit anymore
Then who are you to try and make me deal with your bullshit
I'm not going to bring myself down againI want to be free and fly
I dealt with two years of shitI'm not about to deal with even two minutes more
So I guess what I’m saying is I'm runningAnd running fast
You tell me not to hang all over a guy who is like my brother
Then give me a sign that you carestop running hot and cold
All I want to do is flyWho are you to hold me back
Your nothing but a boyYou may think your a man
But if you where a man you would know how to handle a woman
Who are you to try to hold me downAll I want to do is fly
I don’t want to be held downBut I do want you
So please don’t let me run
Show me you care

"I love you..."

2007-01-12T01:43:00.000-08:00

To feel weak in the arms of the man you love
Contently playing with the necklace he gave you
Knowing he tried so hard to make it perfect
Him knowing even though he made a mistake its still perfect to you
A small chain so delicate like your heart when you met him
Scared to fall in love and move to the next steps
First its movies, then you let your guard down go to dinner
Talk, and slowly fall in love, and no matter how hard you try
You cant stop it, with every word you know your heart is falling
Then you hear those words come from his mouth "I love you"
Your breath stops in your chest your heart pounds
Your eyes water and you know you are not ready to say those cherished words back
Every time you hang up the phone you hear those words "I love you"
You can't help but want to cry, all you can say is I know
Then one day to even your own amazement you can't help but say
"I love you too" and in that moment everything you have tried to protect
In case it lost your in to deep and you don't know if you can swim back out
You just hope he'll swim there with you

My angel in a quit boy

2006-09-05T22:52:00.000-07:00

I can't even put into words the Pain I feel
To know a sweetheart like you has to go through this,
Such pain, to leave the one you love.
To help her, but this just might hurt her.
To choose between living with her in pain,
Or leaving her, so she can relize she has a problem.
Wil it make it better, or worse. Time will tell.
All you can do is do whats right for you.
The heart ache will lessen soon.
She will know whats right for her and she'll do it
You just have to hope she does whats right for you two
Please my little angel make sure you are here angel
Make sure her problem is gone
Shes a good person just liek you my angel
Shes jsut a little tipsy on the line.

From baseball to RIP to you moving

2006-08-23T23:49:00.000-07:00

You have been so close for so long
We where inseparable
Now three years have come and gone
I've been so lonely
Where it was once just a walk across the street
Its now a flight around the world
There's not a childhood memory that your not in
Christmas, birthdays, Toy runs,
Skipping out on people houses, running away,
Making fun of people, fathers hating us,
Best of all making girls cry, you know the one I'm talking about
I cant think of my childhood with out thinking of you
Missing you, you where my everything
My escape, ya we had are fights
But at the end of the day,
You where the one that was always there
I miss that, I miss the walk across the street
Most of all, I miss you

Boys are men, and men are boys

2006-08-19T00:59:00.000-07:00

Like we talked about
Some days he knows me so well
Better then I know myself
But other days he doesnt even see my tears
cryed right infornt of him
On days like that I feel so alone
So cold, should I spell it out for him
Or just leave it and wait for the beautiful moments
Where he knows every look every curve, everythgn there is to know
How can I be so mad at him
So disappointed in him yet
Still if I dont tell him I love him before
befroe we part I dont feel right
How can he know all of me, yet none of me at all

Romance and the man

2006-08-19T00:54:00.000-07:00

I've been waiting
Wanting, hoping
For something amazing
Special, romantic
How long do I have to wait
I hear you say "I'm romantic"
When I'm I going to see a flower
A surprise dinner
When do I get something special
Do I have to prove to you I'm worth it?
How long do I have to wait
I'm just a girl what more could I want
I don't want a fairy tale
I just want romance

Tainted angel

2006-08-19T00:39:00.000-07:00

To look at the boys today, to be an object
If I'm not yours to treasure, I'm not yours
There are others for me to experience
I've made my mistakes, I've asked for my second chance
I've asked to be pure again, to be hole again
You have answered me, you have sent me an angel
A tainted angel but an angel none the less
I have not been perfect
But I have been as perfect as I can
I could thank you for my second chance but
I thank you for my mistake
with out witch I would not be who I am
Thank you for letting me learn
For letting me grow
Thank you for who I have become
And thank you fro the love in my life

Forever

2006-08-10T21:36:00.000-07:00

To think forever is to long, but am I thinking to short
I know I love you, but is it forever or just for now
I am scared of forever, I am scared of tomorrow
To face loving you forever it to unsure forever is to long
To face losing you tomorrow is to hurtful for I still love you
I'm stuck between now and forever
Your in my heart, my soal, my mind, you run in my blood
Your in my heart always and tomorrow and forever
We may not last forever but you have made forever possible
You have fixed my broken heart, you have made me believe
TO be able to beleive again and smile again to be in love
To beleive love could be so true and pure
If our forever ends will we cry, will we be friends will we hurt
Will our love be differnt or non exsistent
From this moment I dont think I could go on with out you
But if hearts change will we still havelove in our friendship
To be forever is to be unrealistic, is to be fake
My smile is for you and is forever
My love is for you and is forever
I may fear forever but forever is worthless
If I'm not with you

With out you

2006-08-02T22:13:00.000-07:00

Laying here in bed, listen to songs that remind me of you
With a picture of you kiss what am I to do
Do I sit here and wish you where here or have a blast with out you
I can go a day with out you but not the night its so hard
At night can feel the cold where you once kept warm
With the haunting past behind I still feel broken
With all your hugs and kisses and the love in your arms
I know I'm not longer broken only fractured
I miss looking into your eyes
How those eyes can see right threw me
I need those eyes, I want to spill me heart this moment
I feel hurt, happiness, disloyalty, and true compassion
I feel so untrue, other boys look touch but only you
Only you have my body, my mind, my heart, and my soul

Only one

2006-08-02T22:05:00.000-07:00

Laying here, Staring at a picture of us
we look so in love, so happy , so true
Will this last forever, I hope I have given you all I can
You're so far away from me right now
I feel so untrue just looking at other boys
Their strong grip holding me tight
It only makes me miss you more
How I want to be in your arms
See your smile again, look into those blue eyes
To know your the only one for me
To know your arms are the only ones around me
Other men can comfort me, but only you can see my tears
I've given you all I am, I hope its enough
On the day we part know I love you
You have been me only, my gentle love
My best friends my shoulder to cry on
you are my only

Unmistakable second chance

2006-08-02T21:50:00.000-07:00

My mistakes make me strong
To survive the tests I'm put threw
And come out on the other side
Stronger, wiser, more aware of the pain other's feel
To have a second chance to work it all out
To still have love when I thought all was lost
To have a truly honest and pure relationship
To not hear your ,voice and your silly little hello
To not feel your arms around me
To not smile at your goofy laugh
To not have that is all to much to bare
You have been my favorite mistake
My most incredible second chance
I thought we would never be again
I thought you would be my beautiful mistake
Never to be learned from

Grandma

2006-08-02T21:46:00.000-07:00

To hear the water crashing
The whisper of the grasshoppers wings
To feel the wind in my hair
The rocks beneath me
To see natures creatures crawl about
The stars in the sky
All natures beauty to enjoy
When the summer air cools
The sky turns dark and the stars are bright
I wonder, Are you there?

To you I owe my love

2006-06-26T11:11:00.000-07:00

I was once broken in pieces
No matter who tried to fix me
I still layed broken
Time went by pain grew
Then you came along. I was confused
I was scared, I was unsure
Being hurt before so much before I didn't know
could my heart go threw this again?
Almost whole again, I had to break myself
Only then could I come back to you
And love you with all my heart
Only then could I truly give my self to you
Body, Mind, Heart Soul I am yours
Your voice your smile even your laugh
That is why I love you that is why I smile
A true smile happiness
To have a good friend of mine look at me
Look me in the eyes and say
"You really are happy this time aren't you"
All I could do was smile and and laugh
I am really truly happy, only because I love you
Everyday that goes on I love you more
I once said love is overrated and useless
But in truth love cant be rated
Not yours at least so pure so true
You said you loved honesty in some one no matter what
well no matter what I honestly love you
Threw all the things that have happened
Only you could be the one by my side
You listened and understood me when most
most would have turned there back
Walked away and never looked back
When I'm sad and crying you are there by my side
You tell me you love me and it will be ok
Even when you don't know what will happen
So many nights I sat up thinking how could I
How could I hurt you
By what miracle are you still standing her
I've done all I could to push you away
Just to see if I could scare you away
And stay away from commitment witch I fear
Some how you never left and I couldn't let you leave
Some say its just kids in lust
But, I trust you with my heart, my soul
Most importantly I trust you with my body
My tainted fragile beautiful body
I wish some things could be different
My body tainted, my body my temple. Tainted
You still see the tears I cry because of it
These tainted tears cried by my tainted body
You kiss them away with kisses of love, with you it all seems
It seems like a bad dream, pain felt in another life
With you the pain is almost nearly gone
With all the the love love your kisses offer
In all those little moments where you make me smile
Make me laugh, make me cry, I love you all the more
I hope I am your prefect your everything
For you are my everything
You are my skinny white boy wanna be gangster
You are my cook that wont cook, my embarrassment show off
You are my perfect, nothing that I could imagine
Better then I could imagine

2006-06-15T21:10:00.000-07:00

Everything has changd now, some call it love same call it stupid teens
Hes my best friend hes everything i want to see myslef with.
Once it was me uneasy, not wiling to see what i had infront of me
Now i see it and i never want to let it go. at least not yet
I'm willingto face my fears and walk into the unknown.
If your by my side its all worth it
I've faced my fears of love and commitment

Do you still?

2006-05-03T21:25:00.000-07:00

Have I found myself, or have I found loneliness?
Standing alone in a crowd of people,
The only person I see is you, how I miss you
I miss your touch, I miss you so much.
I feel like I’m setting myself up for failure
You have a hold of my heart, and you don’t even know it.
I felt so heart broken the moment that ring left my touch
Have I made a mistake, are you done with me.
You’ve most likely forgotten all about me and what we had
I swear I felt it, maybe that’s way this is so hard
Do you still want me? Because I still want you!
I miss the smile I had when I was with you
I’ve hurt you I know this, but hear my cry
My vision was blurred by pass heart breaks, I needed to be clear
Clear so I could see I love you!
Do you still love me?

Wanting

2006-04-17T23:27:00.000-07:00

The feel of your lips next to mine,
My heart beats faster.
I've never been so exhilarated by the feel of some ones lips.
Your finger tips feel there way over my body,
Biting my lip in excitement,
Wanting to scream
Fists tighten waiting for a scream.
Pleasure over comes me.
Only a moan escapes.

The crippling disease

2006-04-17T23:25:00.000-07:00

The weight of the world on my shoulders.
I sit here open armed begging,
Take away my curse.
I can’t deal any more.
All of these problems are building, growing.
My mind is full my heart is empty.
Thinking and thinking, how can I fix this?
How can I make this better?
I want to fix your problems
I’m I to give up on my problems?
I want to become a new person.
To be full hearted.
Lift some of this weight.
Let me deal with my problems.
Lift this curse.
Remove this disease.

The smell of Ego

2006-04-17T23:13:00.000-07:00

One lonely girl,
I look up, I walk threw the room.
I hold my head high. My untouchable walk.
Smells of cologne fill the room.
A man walks up, looks me up and down.
Walks away, turns around walks back.
As the smell of ego fill the air.
Intoxicating I take one look, I walk away,
Not even thinking twice.
Barbie of girls flutter towards, as
Proud women walk away, untouchable, unbreakable.
As Men concur barbies there egos grow
Concur the barbies dreaming of the proud women
To be a barbie and add to the smell of ego or
To be a proud woman and concur the man ego

Dagger threw my heart

2006-04-10T23:02:00.000-07:00

A dagger threw my heart.
Looking back on it, I don't know what to think.
Have I really learned from my mistakes?
Am I doomed to dance the same dance just a new partner?
What am I thinking?
I'm crazy, this won't work.
It didn't the first time how will it this time?
I have a new partner but it's the same dance?
What is age? Is it just a number or is it more then that?
Two years have passed, still the same story.
My heart still aches. What we had was unfinished.
My heart wasn't ready to let go.
I held on to tight, I never really let go.
You're my one unfinished dance.
How I want to see how it ends.
Just knowing you cared even know two years later.
It's an amazing high.
Better then any drug you smoked could give.
I loved to spend days with you.
I would give anything to have that back.
To spend time with my first heart break my only wish.
How I miss your arms.
Same old dance partners change.
Hearts still break.

?Questions?

2006-04-08T20:22:00.000-07:00

Are our hands to met?
Or are we doomed to be separated?
Are we to be more then just friends?
Or destine to dance around kisses?
Are our lips to met?
Or are we doomed to dream of it?
You lean towards me, should I kiss you?
Should we make the dreams come true?
I want to know who you want?
What you want?
Are we going to remain friends?
Or will something more become?

Regrets, who I am

2006-04-08T20:05:00.000-07:00

Live life now and regret all that's done wrong later.
Live fearless.
If you concur what your most scared off,
Its the things that are most worth it in life.
Fear can trap me, but only for a little while.
Mistakes made me.
Regret is who
I am. I live for the moment, do what's most worth it and look back later.
That's when I regret.
I watch time tick by one at a time.
Tick,
Tick,
Tick,
Tears to my eyes
An ache in my heart.
I miss you.
Regret.
Please come back.
Live now.
Regret later.
What your most scared of is most worth it.
Fear traps you mistakes make you.
Do all can do.
Mess up all you can become stronger,
Learn more be more,
Regret nothing for regrets are who you are.

Your touch

2006-03-20T17:32:00.000-08:00

My unfinished thought.
I see you before I sleep.
I think of you well I sleep.
Only to be awaken by your touch.
Intoxicating.
Beautiful.

Sleepless night

2006-03-20T17:17:00.000-08:00

From this moment on, I love you.
You are so peaceful so innocent.
Completely mine.
You grip your arms around my body,
I can't imagine another where you are right now at this moment.
Your limbs twitch as you lay fast asleep.
In your arms, I never want to leave.
For this moment I am untainted, untouchalbe.
The feel of warmth from your body next to mine.
I want to be your everything
I want to yours and no one else's.

Penguin

2006-03-12T22:19:00.000-08:00

All your shit is packed up.
I'll no longer wear your necklace,
Or cuddle with the penguin you gave me.
I won't wear your jacket when I am cold.
With my mascara running I write this,
If you cant trust me, I cant be with you.
I want to share my world with you.
I don't won't to be the only one vulnerable in the relationship though.
I don't want these tears to be cried.
I want to be your everything, I want you to be mine.
I don't want to hurt anymore, I feel safe with you.
If you can't let me in if you can't trust me. I can't be with you.
I want your jacket to keep me warm.
I want to cuddle the penguin you gave me while I sleep.
I feel no bad dream can hurt me when I have you necklace on,
Your ring around my finger and my arms around that penguin.
Right now your hurting me to much.
I'm sick to my stomach with worry.
I don't want to lose you, not yet, not now.
I still want to be with you.
You are my penguin when I sleep,
I am safe when I'm with you.

For Sam!

2006-03-07T21:03:00.000-08:00

In a heart beat I would cry if you were to leave me. Now that your gone my heart is saddened, my eyes tear. Days go by my eyes grow tired of crying. I miss you all the same but my eyes are out of tears. At first I wanted to change where I lived to live closer to you. At first I thought you cared as much about me as I cared about you. At first the pain in my heart wouldn't go away. At first you were the only thought in my head. At first I would have changed my world for you. Now I know we both have lost feelings, we don't care less, we just care differently. Now I know if I saw you everyday I might not feel the same. Right now I could have grown to hate you, or I could have grown to love you more then ever before. Now I know the pain won't go away but I can look back and remember the good times with a smile not a broken heart. Now I know you will always be a thought in my head but other thoughts will be there too. Now I know my world has changed because of you, not for you.

Oven mits are burnt

2006-02-28T21:37:00.000-08:00

You’ve fucked about with my head. Over and over, I still care about you; all you do is rip my heart apart over and over. I don’t know if I can fall for you anymore. Love isn’t something you can play around with. I will always love you; I will always care about you. I just can’t be hurt by you anymore. MY heart is just being put back together; I can’t take you shredding it apart again. I’ll be here for your shoulder to cry on, just don’t make me cry, I’ll be out the door faster then tears can run down my face. Maybe one day the tears will stop running down my face and we can be happy.

Strength to carry on

2006-02-22T14:49:00.000-08:00

You hold strength in your heart more powerful then any strength some one can offer you. You've helped more people then you would ever know. I wish you could always be my shoulder to cry on. You have offered me so much. You have been my candle shining bright in my darkest hours. I wish I could be your guiding candle. I'm afraid for you I may not know the way and we might stand in the dark with one lonesome light shining on our faces, with shimers reflecting off my tears. I am hoping for you. I am scared for you. I am crying for you. I am praying for you. I am afraid for you. I am strong for you. I will do all and everything I can for you. Even if its nothing at all. You are my amazing Brent and you are my hero.

Falling

2006-02-18T00:24:00.000-08:00

No matter what he says, you have my heart. No matter what I care about you. I want to be with you. He my place doubts in my head, I just have to remember your not like that piece of shit. You hold my broken heart in your hands. Slowly you have been putting it back together. Slowly I will start to fall for you. Just please don't rush me. My heart needs to fix before that. You truly are the thread sewing my heart back together. I once liked you now I've very much inlike with you. You make me smile, you make me dream, you are my savor. You are a sunny day after a long thunderstorm. I'm done having the rain dance and beat down on my heart. You are my smile and for that I thank you. For that I'm falling for you.

Just a dream

2006-02-18T00:08:00.000-08:00

Placing doubts in my head, playing your same old mind games. I know your playing them yet I cant stop listening to every lie you say. I wish I could say well I'm done with it but the truth is, I'm not, I'll sit day after day and listen, think and wish I could forget. You've placed fear in my happy heart once more. I cant take this pain. I want to be rid of you, I will try with all my heart. Slowly I will cut you off, slowly I will stop listening, slowly you will become just a dream that I will forget.

Lucky or Unlucky

2006-02-02T22:19:00.000-08:00

Why is it always, Your so lucky to have someone like him? Why do I always have to be the strong one with all the answers? I never hear How man your so lucky to have some as amazing as her. She's so strong, she's honest, she's real. No its always I'm the lucky one because I've gone out with all the fuck ups, the cheaters, the abusive, the forceful and now I have a nice guy like you. Its not like I wanted to be unlucky its not like I wanted to be abused, broken and raped. But no I'm the lucky one, I don't know about you but I don't call that lucky. Why can't I be weak and cry and have no answers why shit happens, because I don't know why shit happens. Maybe it happens to make you stronger. In that case ya I'm strong, Hell I'm heman if that makes you strong, and I'm lady luck if that means I'm lucky. For once I want some one to say your so lucky to have her, she's strong and will put you in your place but still love you like there's no tomorrow. I have no answers for you. I have no answers for me. If I every find out gods plan I'll be sure to photocopy it and let the world know how to solve there own problems then I'll be nothing more then a weak unlucky girl with no answers. I'm not lucky, I'm far from it, I just deal with what I have. I say make your own luck and fuck what others think. If I'm lucky to have some one like you then I'm lucky, but your sure as hell lucky to have some one like me, tainted and rough around the edges but real and bold and not scared to scream fuck you.

I fear

2006-02-02T21:48:00.000-08:00

Am I now undesirable, has my worst fear come true. I only want to be desired by you, at this point in time I feel disposable to you. As strong as I think I am, I wish I could sit in front of you at this very moment and cry. I want you to look at me and see the shy but loud, scared but fearless girl you saw when you first asked me out, I'm still that girl, Maybe now a little more shy and I little less fearless. I fear I am forever tainted, that I am forever undesired by you.I fear I am no longer strongh, I fear, I fear I will stop caring. I am still only yours untill you say you don't love me and don't want to be with me I will be yours. I will always be your sweetie till you tell me I'm not. Your the best I've had, You good to me and I need something good right now, andI want you to be that something. I feel safe around you. I feel I can be honest, I can be true I can be me when your around. All I want is to be me with you by my side. I don't know if this is a test for us to challange, My first test to challange was to be with you, a man that would treat me like a lady. I'm still takeign that test. Is god testing my strenght to hold on, is god testing are stenght to stay together. I know I've been the one with the fuck ups, but I am a fuck up. The innocent and the guilty get traped in my path. I'm sorry you had to be one of the innocent to be caught up in my fuck ups.

Tainted body, tainted dream

2006-02-02T14:48:00.000-08:00

At night when I close me eyes, I see his face. I shiver in fear, my eyes cry unjust tears. I hold my penguin a little closer, a little tighter. With every little noise I hear outside makes me scared. I hear a door open I jump up and look to see if a nightmare is about to walk threw my door. My bed a place that once offered me comfort from my fears is now a place I hate to lie. Fear was installed in my place of refuge. Its now distorted. I am now vulnerable. Nightmares I cant wake up from. A night mare that wont go away. My everyday is a nightmare. My every dream is tainted just like me.

My prison

2006-02-02T14:28:00.000-08:00

My prison doesn't have walls. No bars, No guards, No locks. My prison is my head. No matter how far I run I can't run far enough. My prison has made me weak. To weak to move. I'm stuck here in my bed hugging my teddy bear, puffing on a cigarette. Light head. I've finally fallen apart its only taken me two days. Tears stream down my face. I'm weak, I'm useless, I'm undesired. No emotions left to feel. No warmth from hugs of ones I love, I've become a robot. A scared robot. I've started to give into my addictions. My prison is taking control. Slowly I have no feeling left. I am a lifeless zombie walking around with a fake smile and a fake laugh just so no ones finds out my new secret. I've become so weak, staring down a razor. Do I do it. Theses vanes in my wrists look willing to bleed. Blood brought me comfort once, it could do it again. I sit here eyeing all my addictions. How weak will I get. Smoking is one thing bleeding is something total deferment. Walls, bars, and guards look better then my hell hole. I'm ready to give in to every addiction. Is the pen really mightier then the sword. Writing is my release, but cant it release this much pain this much anger this much hate. No matter how much I write how much I cry nothing can wash this pain away, This knife dances so nicely across me wrists.

Crazy nights

2006-01-30T12:30:00.000-08:00

Guys get strong I cant find my feet, things that happen some nights should stay there and never leave, What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, but right now I am weak, I am powerless, I am nothing. Crazy drunken nights, only blurs to remember, and only a blur in my nightmares you will be.

Dream

2006-01-30T12:26:00.000-08:00

To sit here and dream, I don't dream when I sleep, so I sit awake and day dream about what life is to bring. Will it bring smiles and joy or will it bring blood shed and tears. I dream of all the things that could have happened if I walked threw door one rather then door two, I wonder what would have happened if I took the time to unlock a few doors rather then take the easy way out. Option A or option B, take a chance knowing that witch one you choice can change you life forever and the other choice could have made it better. So I sit here dreaming, what would have happened if I picked him over you. Would I be happier, Or would my eye create tears and my arms create bruises, and my heart create cracks hoping I wouldn't have stayed with you rather then choose him. What looks like the better choice may not be what it seems, just because I man looks like he's good to everyone doesn't mean he is. Should I blame my dreams and my broken heart on myself, I'm I to blame for the pain I feel. Please take my pain away. I have to live with my choices yes but does it have to hurt this much. Can I not be happy with what I choose instead of feel guilty for what I didn't choose. I choose not to cut him out of my life but I live in pain for all the little things he does. But If I cut him out I would feel more pain then all the little things he does to Me. You on the other hand you hold my broken little heart in your big strong hand, I dream of your arms holding me tight, I dream of being with you, I'm happy with you. No one has had me this happy in a long time thank you for smileing in my dreams and bring a smile to my face, with you I am happy and I will stay with you till I'm no longer happy, I hope that day never comes but days continue on and I'm not one to dream to far ahead.

Your a man I want

2006-01-27T21:34:00.000-08:00

My heart torn in two pieces, one half belongs to you the other to him. You have done nothing but be good to me, you have treated me like a girl when no one else have. He has treated me like a dirty rag and thrown me away, he used me to wipe up his blood, that's it. I'm glad you decided to keep me around, You feel a lot stronger for me then I feel for you, but I hope one day my heart will be whole again and I can love you like I've never loved before. My heart has constantly been broken and cracked beyond repair, maybe with your love my heart will grow strong and whole again. I've used that blood soaked rag to wipe away my tears. I hope your the man I think you are, for he is nothing but a man I dont want.
thank you for understanding, thank you for more then you will ever know
thank you kevin

Good night and so long

2006-01-26T00:24:00.000-08:00

You say you cant date me because you don't want to break our friendship, yet you put me in this place. Between you and my new beau, You kiss me and expect me not to fall, you use me as a scape goat and expect me not to be mad. Now I'm left in this place, do I tell my new beau or do I lie to him and live in guilt. If I tell my new beau he'll break my heart, then again I've already broke his by kissing you back. I sit here with a smoke in my mouth thinkign on what to do, I hope you know you've broken our friendship. You left me so broken to night. Now I have to tell my new beau and have him break up with me, you've brought tears to my eyes. So thank you, I'm sure I'll cry myslef to sleep.
So good night and so long

Some days I wish

2006-01-21T22:37:00.000-08:00

Some days you make me wish, you make me wish we could have had more. I know theres no point for we will never have more then what we have now. A friendship nothing more nothing less. You make me wish, yet I sit here holding hands with a man I like with I man I am dating. I wish I could put these feelings behind me. Maybe one day I will no loger wish I will no longer dream of beign with you, but since you are only a dream I will stay where I am, I will enjoy what I have. I will love you in my dream, I will miss you in my dreams, but I will not live in my dreams anymore.

Door one, two or three

2006-01-19T19:02:00.000-08:00

I’m just a girl standing in a doorway, looking forward, I could look back but it’s a waste of time. I’ve loved one man in my life; I’ve loved him for three years. He will always be there for me. I’m dating a boy, he’s sweet, he’s kind he’s something like I’ve never seen before. I’m a girl who loves her family, I’m a girl who loves her friends, and I’ll protect them till the day I die. As my friend once told me my friends are my candles, they will guide me threw the dark times, so never forget your candles they will burn bright for you in your darkest times. My heart has grown weak over the years. I am incapable to cut people off, you can break my heart and I still won’t hate you, If you where my friend once you will always be my friend, The only way you can lose my friendship is if you lose my respect you lose my trust. I’m just a girl, looking forward on what life has to offer, that’s right a girl, I may be surrounded by guys, I may only have a few chick friends but I’m still a girl, I ‘m still a fragile girl. I act tough, I act mean, but don’t let that fool you I can be mean, I can be tough. I’m short, so I make up for that by being loud, I’m quite when I’m thinking, when I’m writing or when I’m sleeping. I like to drink, I drink with guys, girls are to emotional, even though I have had about 3 guys tell me they love me when they are drunk, I cant drink with certain people. I’m a quitter; I’ve quit smoking and weed. Most of the time I wish I hadn’t quit. I enjoyed smoking but seeing my dad rot away from smoking convinced me to quit for my future. I loved being stoned it made me smile when I was sad even though it was a fake smile. I’ve tried to mess myself up just because I was bored, just because my life wasn’t going my way. I’m done with that. I’ve switched my life around many times, this time I want to change my life, I want to because a wild child that knows when to stop, knows when to draw the line. My world spins, I’m standing here in this doorway, should I walk threw or pick another door to go threw and live threw.

Teddy bear

2006-01-12T20:14:00.000-08:00

Only a short time I've known you but you have given me the best adivce ever, you have helped me threw so much, and now somethingbig, something that could take your life has come up and no matter how much I tell you it will be ok it doesnt change anytihng, It doesnt make your sickness go away. Just please remember your candles, let them guide you. I wish you could know how much you have helped me, I hope you never go away, You are my teddy bear, I love you. I know you are strong... and I'm sure you can fight this

I'm I found

2006-01-10T20:29:00.000-08:00

Looking In the mirror, What can I change this time.
My hairs been from blonde to black, I've done the goth thing
I've done the pritty girl thing, I've done it all
What is left for me to try, What is me
I'm I want I've tryed. Or I'm I not found yet
I guess thats for no one to know includign me

I'm sorry mom

2006-01-07T02:04:00.000-08:00

Trying to be perfect, trying so hard to be like my perfect older sister just so you will love me. I can't be her, I may have her room now, but she is amazing, she is clean she's helpful, she's everything I'm not. She is perfect. Like you say she's the only one that loves you, Its hard to compete with something like that. You won't ever let me love you, you say when your old and wrinkly. She is your perfect child I'm nothing but a fuck up in your eyes. I've constantly competed against her but now I'm tired of knowing I'm going to fail. I give up. I'll be your fuck up. I'll be the reason dad had to stay a teacher, I'll stay the you had to sell dads favorite jeep. I'll forever be your "oh shit I'm pregnant " I've done it all. Everything she wouldn't dare to do at my age. I have done. I'm nothing more then a fuck up in your eyes. The youngest, the rebel, the one not scare to piss you off, not scared to scream right back. I'm sorry I couldn't be the angel. I could be the perfect one, you say I'm to tough for my own good yet I still sit here crying. I haven't been your little girl but I'll never be your little girl your little girl was Christine. Mom I'm sorry I couldn't be perfect, I'm sorry I don't shine in your eyes like she does. But I'm not Christine I am me so please love me for me for who I am, for who you have raised me to be, I may not be your perfect little girl, but I'm what you have raised me to be, I am strong I wont let anyone push me around. I am independent, If I could be your little girl I would, but sorry I can't, Christine is, I am your little warrior.

Smile for life

2005-12-31T14:04:00.000-08:00

Why is it when a death happens people step back and look at themselves. Suddenly they are worthless, there life has not been fulfilling enough, theses are the moments when you need to stand up, say what you have been scared to say, do what you have been scared to do. Theses are the moments you need to widen your view, believe what others tell you. Believe you have something more to offer the world, smiles save lives. Smile for life, and shed a tear for death. Learn from your mistakes before its to late, Do everything you are scared of and become even more amazing.
So please smile and save my life.
I'll pray for you and your happiness, I hope you learn to smile again. Smile that amazing smile that saved my life. You are my one my amazing.

You've broke this doll one more time

2005-12-21T20:35:00.000-08:00

Every time I get close to you again
You lock everything up
And you break my heart
How am I suppose to move on
And dream
If I'm always having to pick myself up
After you break me one more time
This china doll can only break so many times

Pull or push

2005-12-19T21:09:00.000-08:00

You have changed your no longer the one I love. Your drifting away from me again and you seem not to care. How am I suppose to smile if your the only reason I smile. My smile walks away with you. There's nothing left to smile about there's nothing left to wish for. Your walking away from me and you don't care. Your leaving me in tears, you know you are, yet you still walk away. Temptations in my mind, should I have a smoke, should I slit my wrists and worry about nothing any more. Should I leave this world like you left me. You left me here alone. Alone with no one to lean on. Was my love not enough for you. Should I have loved you different, is it that you cant love me? Please tell me why you are drifting away I want to pull you back to me but I fear I'm only pushing you away.

Love?

2005-12-19T19:25:00.000-08:00

If love is a word then why does it hurt so much? Maybe I was wrong maybe love is more then just a word. Maybe, just maybe love is something amazing, something exciting. This word love is it meant to be confusing? Is love meant to be hurtful? Or is love flowers and chocolates? Is love lonely, is love scary? Can you be in love but still be alone? Can love span distances? Is love something that only comes once? Once you've lost love can you find it again or is love lost forever? Once you one can you love another? What's the difference between loving someone and being in love with someone? Can you be in love with someone but not love them? Is love suppose to make you crazy? Did Halmark create love jus to sell cards teddy bears and other cute things? Can you choose who you love? Or does it just happen? Can you decide to love some one just like you decide to hate someone? One day do you just fall in love, do you just magicaly love someone? Or do you need to work at it? Does love slowly sneak up on you? If a boy gives you a flower is that love or just a kind gesture? If love isn't a word then why do people throw love around like a word? Is love a word to fill space? Is love a word to use when you leave some one you care about? Or is love only meant for the one that makes the word love real real?

I want to care

2005-12-19T16:51:00.000-08:00

Joy of a new relationship. The feeling of a first kiss,
The sparkle in your eyes when you see that new love,
The feeling deep in your gut saying, this could go so bad
But you go for it any ways, right off the deep end
Part of you wants it to end before you really care but the other part
The other part is say... It would be neat to care that much
I wonder what it would feel like
It care about some one so much that your willing to let them pay
You willing to let them care for you when before it was you.
Only you could care for you. Is letting some one in caring.
Is it that you cared enough to let them in.
All I know is I want to care for you I want you to spoil me
I want to be the one you care about.

Learn from your mistakes

2005-12-12T15:07:00.000-08:00

For the future I pray, for the past I look back on.
I have done my shameful things, I have hurt ones I care about.
The future can look bright for me, if I have learned from my mistakes.
Mistakes are the gateway to a great future, an amazing life.
If you can learn from mistakes made you can become stronger, wiser.
The wises of people have made the most mistakes,
The people who believe they are never wrong are the ones that fall short.
To admit you fucked up, to try to make it right,
Those are the people who's spirits go on forever living in the minds of all
In the past I have done things I never want to remember, but I will
I will learn from them, No more scars from the mistakes I have already made
No more bloody arms, no more alcohol filled tears.
I will be strong, stay true to myself and only me.
My body will remain my temple for me to taint, for me to destroy.
My past has left its mark, I want to make a mark on my future.
Not have my future leave a mark on me.
Looking forward to the future, always looking back at my mistakes.
I know your one of them, I know I did my fair share.
You will always be my biggest mistake with the biggest mark on my heart.

Something new

2005-12-10T20:36:00.000-08:00

Something new, something amazing, something different. Have I finally grown up, smartened up. You will be my test to that. You will be my test for a lot of things. Can I stay true to some one as good as you? Are you too good for me? Can I manage to go to all my classes? Can I manage to stay clean? You are the first to treat me like gold. I hope I don't run away. For if I do I fail the test I have put myself up to. I shall not fail, I must not fail. I can't hurt you I can't hurt me. You are some thing I have never had before something fragile something delicate. Something never want to break.

Teen inspiration

2005-12-10T20:30:00.000-08:00

Inspiration filled lives, drama packed worthy to be written and dreamt about Teen drama filled with love, hurt and that one you can never have To tell the story of your high school days The drama of baby scares, suicide, depression, new love and old heart aches New stories, same old cast, special appearances by bad boys troublesome girls Lost lovers and new interests bad boys to catch the eye of the "perfect" girl. The troublesome girl to catch the eye of the "amazing" boy every girl wants. Inspiration for one girl to write out and play with.

Romeo

2005-12-10T19:45:00.000-08:00

With out you I am lost, but with you I'm blind to the world and new adventures.
I guess I cant be with or with out you. Should I close my eyes and imagine you there, or should I wake up from my sleep. Notice your gone and move on. Wondering around like a lost dog. With out you I have no where to go no one to run too, With you I can only dream of being with you. Even though I can't have you I wait I can't find another like you, I cant find another man to match your level. You are my one my only yet I can never have you I can never hold you close, you will never be real. Forever my Romeo, only in my heart. Dead to the world. Love burning bright in a cemetery, a cemetery filled with broken hearts and lost lovers. Never to find one another just know they are there. I'm to broken to get up an move on. I hear your voice from a distance, telling me I deserve better I deserve more I deserve the best. But you are my best and I can't be with you, I cant be with out you. You are impossible you are my amazing, beautiful love but you will always be my Romeo. Close enough to feel the passion. Deadly enough to kill us before we start. You have always been that other guy. The one I'll break everything off to be with. When things go good you are there when things fall apart and I need to be picked up you are there. Just out of my reach as always. When I think I've finally moved on and given up on you, I see that smile and I fall in love all over again. What is love. I want to believe its worthless, but the feeling that comes over me when I see that smile is more then anything else. So dear Romeo please only be my Romeo.